Flash – Friday afternoon.
You standing behind me, staring at me in shock. “Alyssa,” you say, you’re voice uncertain. “We’ve had a lot of bad results, but I have to say, yours takes the cake.” I stare at you shocked, worried. Have I wasted my money? I think as you prepare to give me my results. Have I truly become stupid?
“Yours is a first,” you continue as you lean forward. “We’ve never had a result like this before.”
You put it in front of me, my test, the ticket that I had hoped would give me freedom from the blankness my life was starting to fall into. I couldn’t look at the number, but wait for you to break it to me, to tell me of my failure. You waste no time.
“99%” you announce, still surprised. “You almost had 100% for this test…”
I don’t hear the rest, relieved as I looked at my result.
Yeah baby, I found myself thinking. I’m still the shit…
Flash – Friday Evening.
You standing beside me, my friend with your heavy heart. Drowned with loss in pain. You have to say good bye tonight, and walk into your future uncertain. Fatherless, far from home. All I can tell you, is that the only cure for pain is to spread it. Share it, pass it along so that you don’t carry it by yourself. It passes. And, you forget. Eventually.
So, laugh with us, and smile. Let down your hair and go wild, we’re your friends. That’s why we’re here, to carry you. And, if you want to cry, and if you want to scream, do so.
That’s why we’re here. Why I’m here.
Flash – Saturday Morning.
You sitting beside me, with your smile and your soft touch. You, my other half. You might think that it’s a chore for me to sit and social with these people, but it’s not because I am with you. It might be hot, but you are beside me, and it is enough.
Flash – Saturday Afternoon.
You below me, with your heart of gold, your power, your spirit. You, looking at the golden horse in front of us, who managed to take the short cut because he wasn’t afraid to swim… It’s alright, I will never force you. You are my heart, my extension. And, if you can’t, then I will never, ever make you. I don’t know who had you before me, I don’t know who made you fear like you do. But, I will help you, as you are my beat, my rhythm. I feel you, listen to your body that’s almost like mine. My extension.
I know you hate being behind, hate going slow. I have not let you run since your illness but perhaps… today. You sense my thoughts and turn sideways, tossing your head, the golden horse growing ever smaller. With a laugh of permission, I let you go when you move again and you shoot away. Not from me, but with me as we race to catch the golden horse, the wind rushing by us, our breathing and hearts as one.
Flash – Sunday Morning.
Your hand in mine. Your face close to me. Your breath on my face.
Your smell… So close.
“I love you,” you whisper. “Happy Valentine’s day.”
I smile, my hand entwined in yours, the fingers of my other reaching out to touch your cheek.
“And, I you,” I whisper and mean it. “Thank you for being a great other half…”
Flash – Sunday Evening.
You staring at me, this face in the mirror. You are not who I had thought who I wanted to be, yet you are more me than I ever thought I’d be. I stare at you, meet your gaze, defiantly perhaps. Perhaps in friendship. We have come a long way you and I. We have changed, we have grown. We have been humbled and bend, yet never broken. In your eyes, I have discovered that I am blessed, that the world is better than I had thought it was. That there are friendship, and thrills, and love, all for me.
So, I stare at you and I smile, because tomorrow has come, and will come again.
Life, with all it’s changes, with all it’s fears, is worth living.