The Sound of Silence.

I think that one of my favourite songs of all time is the Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkle. I grew up listening to it as my mum’s quite a big S&G fan. It puzzled me when I was younger, because I couldn’t understand that silence might have a sound but I loved the lyrics none the less. Now that I’m older I love it for its bitter sweetness. I haven’t thought about the song in a while but now, with my own silence crying within me, I couldn’t help but return to the place the song created in my mind for me when I was younger.

A week ago I heard that a job I had really been bargaining on had turned me down. More to the point, the guy had downright lied to me, saying that they’ve decided not to hire anybody when I knew from another source that they were still looking for someone. It was a very hard blow and I’m only now starting to realize how hard it had been. In one moment I realized and felt that I’ll most probably be stuck in my jobless limbo for the next couple of weeks, waitressing to keep myself afloat financially. Although I love the people that I work with, I’ve come to hate the job. I hate playing the meek and mild waitress; I hate being humiliated by people. I hate being flirted with, I hate allowing more people than I’m comfortable with into my own personal space. It had been a strange realization when I lay there on my back a week ago, staring at the ceiling knowing that there was no answers, no escape for me. The realization has made me grow quiet inside myself. Like a hollow chamber, an empty room or an empty bucket. Devoid of anything useless.

Today, I have to once again start to set in motion a couple of events that might lead me to get a job. Emails. Phone calls. Job applications. The thing was that I’m so tired of being disappointed, I’m not sure I want to start. But, I will. I have to. If I want to stop being a waitress I have to carry on and pick myself up further.

Getting a job would mean no more double shifts. I’m doing my third one this week.

So, sigh wish me luck. J

Those who support me, thank you. It means a lot and I have to say, you guys carry me onwards.

9 thoughts on “The Sound of Silence.

  1. mudepoz March 25, 2010 / 1:30 pm

    When a door slams shut, be happy it wasn’t on your foot.
    And go through a window.

    There is ALWAYS a way out. You just have to look for it.

    • Alyssa March 28, 2010 / 12:08 pm

      *laughs* thank you mud. I love the image. I’m the ‘throw myself through a window’ kind of person. 😉 just need to find the damned thing…

  2. Phil March 25, 2010 / 3:47 pm

    Hi Alyss, I know you will persevere and succeed in finding fulfillment in your career and life. You’re smart, talented and tough. Think of everything you’ve accomplished from sheepherding in Scotland to writing about a million, make that ten million words, to training your horse and a whole bunch of things. You’re a strong person and I know you’ll succeed. How could you not with all us NaStys pulling for you!?

    • Alyssa March 28, 2010 / 12:08 pm

      My point exactly. 🙂 You’re a good bunch of friends. Thank you. *GLOMP*

  3. Marsha March 26, 2010 / 3:57 am

    Oh Alyssa I hate to see you feel so bad. It seems everyone I know is going through something tough right now. Please keep the faith hon. If you were on my side of the ocean I’d do everything I could to help you find a job. I just don’t know anything about S.A. We are all rooting for you.

    • Alyssa March 28, 2010 / 12:10 pm

      Thank you Marsha. I’m finding that I don’t know a lot about my country either. And, admittably, that what I know I don’t like. But there you go, lol. I staked my claim here, I’ll live in it. 😉
      I know and you guys are helping just being there for me. Thank you.

  4. Kylie Ru March 28, 2010 / 5:36 am

    Oh, babes. I’m sorry. But, look at it this way: for every craptastic day that goes by, you’re one day closer to something totally awesomesauce! However, getting to that totally awesomesauce day is a total drag. Just remeber you’ve got us sending you awesomesauce vibes! ^_~

    • Alyssa March 28, 2010 / 12:11 pm

      LOL, That I’ll Remember and hold onto! Thank you Kylie!!

  5. Tiffany April 25, 2010 / 9:34 pm

    Hi Alyss – I absolutely love that song too. My parents were big S&G fans too – their music and the Beatles are the soundtrack to my childhood.

    I’m sorry to hear the job you were hopeful about didn’t work out. I can imagine how you felt when the guy lied to you on top of it. But keep at it! You’re smart and hardworking. Really I think the difference between those that reach their goals and those that don’t is pure persistence. Me, mostly I’ve got to summon persistence. You seem like a natural to me :-). Maybe this one didn’t happen because the next opportunity is the right one for you.

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