I should be Lambing Right now…

In the small town of Brimfield, on the Shropshire, Herefordshire border of the United Kingdom, a flock of 4000 ewes is lambing with the assistance of 6 people, working in 2 shifts. Two of those people are working shifts of over 16 hours a day. There used to be three. But now I’m here, and one is ill so one stands alone.

I should be lambing in England right now. I should be amongst my sheep, tending to my flock. Taking care of the ewes, nursing the sick lambs in my tiddler pen and running back and forth in the middle of the night amidst snow and rain, searching for that one ewe that might be in trouble.

Instead I am here, on this warm continent in a job that I like but with a boss that I just cannot seem to get on with. There’s no love involved, no passion for my work. There’s only the dreary routine, the driving and the inevitable knowledge that somewhere in the future my boss was going to ask me to do another impossible task, insult my intelligence and call me a thief because I am presumably wasting his company’s money by drawing a salary. It doesn’t matter that I’ve brought in new business, that I’ve build up my own client base, that I assist the Master student above me with technical data. No. In my boss’s eyes it seems, I can do nothing right and even if my fellow employees keep telling me that they know it’s not true, it doesn’t make it any easier.

When I just got this job, I remember saying in a blog post that you have to be careful what you wish for and now those words ring true. I suspect that the irony is that I was happier waitressing. In the night. With difficult clients. At least there I got acknowledgement that I was good at what I did. My sales were on black and white not lost in the system of our distributors.

I don’t even know why they hired me.

But they did – and I have to get up every morning and face that. Tomorrow again, I have to drive miles away from home, sleep out and come back to the office to present my boss with a task he set before me this morning. One which by rights should take me a week but one which I only have a day or two for. Two days in fact – that I need to drive very far – and see a lot of clients. I will have to work at night – and risk being tired on the road. I can’t win this game. I don’t think that I knew the rules from the beginning. And, even if I find equilibrium in my company I know that I will never be as happy as I was in those years, in those cold nights in England.

I should be lambing right now.

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9 thoughts on “I should be Lambing Right now…

  1. Jenn March 15, 2011 / 7:20 pm

    ~hugs~

  2. ingrid March 15, 2011 / 7:28 pm

    Bedank dadelik. Jy het genoeg gespaar om jou ‘n ruk lank te hou. En gaan waiter weer tydelik. Dis glad nie nodig om uit te hou nie. Ek bedoel dit.

    • Alyssa March 16, 2011 / 9:15 pm

      Nee wat, dis nog nie so erg nie. 🙂 Ek moet ook maar bietjie tough word.
      En, ek het besef vandag dat ek vergeet hoe sleg waitressing vir my ook maar was. Ek verkies om dit net nie te onthou nie…

  3. hearandlearn March 16, 2011 / 5:38 am

    Hello from the U.S. and Ohio! It seems to me, if you can go back to waitressing and be happy, what in the world are you waiting for? If you should leave your job now, your butthead boss will just turn the crap over to some other poor soul, and put them through a thankless effort. If you have the luxury of being able to change jobs in this world economy, and can make yourself happier and more fulfilled, that sounds like a no-brainer! But one thing is for sure, you need to make plans about what kind of a career you desire for your life, and do what is necessary to get you there. Don’t wake up one day at 40 years old, and say gee I never became what I wanted to be!

    • Alyssa March 16, 2011 / 9:14 pm

      I have realized the importance of sitting down and making a 10 year plan. I’m going to have to decide to move in a direction that might well be out of my industry. Or, I’m going to have to go and do my Masters.
      And, I have to admit, 🙂 I must keep perspective and remember how much I hated waitressing on the odd occasion. You always remember the better things, not the worst.
      But, yes – I must plan. I would hate to wake up when I’m 40 and think that I’ve wasted 13 years of my life. 🙂
      And, this said – I should point out that I’ve been spoiled (and I have a tendency to melodrama).
      yesterday was such a day. I must learn to be tougher. 😉

      Thank you for the advice and the comment.

  4. suzy wong March 16, 2011 / 8:11 am

    *hug*
    i hear you
    you’re brave
    you’ll get past this
    you’re using them too
    you’re getting the work experience you need to go somewhere better…
    but still
    i hear you
    and i hear the lambs
    *hug*

    • Alyssa March 16, 2011 / 9:11 pm

      Is that you Clarice? 😉 (lame silence of the lambs joke)

      Thanks you. 🙂 Life is better again today – I should learn not to blog when I’m depressed.
      *hug*

      • suzy wong March 17, 2011 / 11:22 am

        if that’s your voice for the day, that’s your voice for that day 😉

        (he-he re joke)

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